Recently I completed an 8.15 mile run. I wanted to write about it to capture what I felt during the run and how I felt when I completed the run. I remember back when I first ran 3.1 miles. I was on top of the world and you couldn't bring me down. I wrote a long post on a popular forum I frequent because completing that distance actually made me cry. I was overwhelmed with emotion. Why? Because sometimes life kicks dirt in your eye and it is sometimes hard to wash your face afterwards. Here's why I cried.
My Mom had struggled with crack addiction every since I could remember. In fact, one of the first memories I have is of her smoking in her bedroom a few days before I started Kindergarten. Fast forward to many hard years later to 1994. She informed us that she tested postive for HIV from behind the glass of the county jail. Fast forward to 2008. A relative sold her some drugs. She smoked it, went into a siezure, and was in ICU for several weeks. She died in ICU, at the young age of 48 years. I was 28 at the time and paid for her funeral out of my own pocket. 2 years later her mother, my grandmother, would succumb to lung cancer.
I don't know why, when I completed that first 3.1 mile run, these emotions overtook me. Growing up was difficult, but so was it for so many others. Yet that run was significant. It cleansed me. It let me know that anything was possible if I just put my mind to it and maintain discipline. My first 5k was committed to my mother's memory, the AIDS Atlanta Walk/Run 5k.
So, the 8 miles that I ran this weekend reaffirmed many things. It made me feel a part of something greater. It let me know that you may not be able to control that which is around you. You may not be able to improve your situation. However, the thing you can control is your Temple; your body. It's only 8 miles, but it's not the distance that I will forever remember because that will increase with time. It will be the way I felt. It will be the solidarity and the humility in which I remember those whom I have loved and lost. It will be the rememberance of those whom I love today and why I continue to live, thrive, possess joy, and give joy. It will be for the journey, because my only destination is to encourage others and to continue to live. So, if you are ever feeling doubtful about your journey and doubt yourself: Believe in me who believes in you!
