A funny inspired by my good friend Kimbly71
Twas the day I was weightlifting, and all through the gym
People were curling in the squat rack, SHAME SHAME upon them
The cruisers were hung by the bench press with care
In the hopes that some muscular savior soon would be there
People were curling in the squat rack, SHAME SHAME upon them
The cruisers were hung by the bench press with care
In the hopes that some muscular savior soon would be there
The newcomers were nestled all snug in their sets
While we heckled and secretly placed “who would quit first” bets
While I in my converse and under armour cap
Had just pumped up my brain to repeatedly lift crap
When across the room there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my squats to see what was the matter
Away from my 3 plates I flew in a flash
Only pausing once, to 2-step, in the midst of my dash
The fluorescent lights caste a surgical glow
Upon a middle aged gentleman who was squatting quite low
When what did my wondering eyes happen to catch
Creeping through his shorts was a forest covering his “sacks”
He went up and down so lively and quick
Unaware of his nether mane and fully exposed… stick
He counted his reps one by one as they came
One, two, three, four as he called out each by name
He continued to squat with his giblets exposed
Unaware of the draft blasting gently below
I glanced only peripherally if I correctly recall
As I did not want a full confrontation with this gentleman’s balls
I know that you’re asking how long did it take
For me to take notice of whether the curtains matched the drapes
I cannot tell you for I do not remember
The particulars of such debauchery on that cold cold December
And then in a twinkling, I looked to my right
To witness someone lifting… or maybe not quite
The woman had a 2 plate that was clearly too much
And she couldn’t bring it back up, she was about to be crushed
Why woman, oh woman, did you not get a spot
As I lifted the weight she said she “just plain forgot”
She thought she could handle just a little bit more
Since she did 50 for reps just two days before
Then the gym went all silent… no one dared make a sound
I looked over my shoulder and slowly turned ‘round
I could not believe my eyes… the truth began to unfold
There was the Russian Weight lifting Jesus, from legend of old
I had only heard of him on the internet through forums and such
A man whose skill was unmatched… squat couldn’t be touched
He would choose you at random with knowledge to impart
That would turn basic weight lifting into a certified art
He chose me at random and worked on my form
He said “Hell hath no fury like a squat incorrectly performed!”
I learned about squats and I learned about oats
And when he demonstrated his 5 plate the weight seemed to float
Finally demonstrating my set I turned towards the mirror
My purpose secure, my vision much clearer
I turned back ‘round to thank him for my body was spent
For as silently he had come, thus silently he went
So was the day I went weighlifting, I hope it helps ya’ll
From the weight lifting Jesus to the gentleman’s balls
So the session is over, and this class is dismissed
I just hope the mods don’t read my poem and thusly get pissed!
Also... BAWLLS!
The AncientMariner aka Saffmeister AKA Team BAWSS
While we heckled and secretly placed “who would quit first” bets
While I in my converse and under armour cap
Had just pumped up my brain to repeatedly lift crap
When across the room there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my squats to see what was the matter
Away from my 3 plates I flew in a flash
Only pausing once, to 2-step, in the midst of my dash
The fluorescent lights caste a surgical glow
Upon a middle aged gentleman who was squatting quite low
When what did my wondering eyes happen to catch
Creeping through his shorts was a forest covering his “sacks”
He went up and down so lively and quick
Unaware of his nether mane and fully exposed… stick
He counted his reps one by one as they came
One, two, three, four as he called out each by name
He continued to squat with his giblets exposed
Unaware of the draft blasting gently below
I glanced only peripherally if I correctly recall
As I did not want a full confrontation with this gentleman’s balls
I know that you’re asking how long did it take
For me to take notice of whether the curtains matched the drapes
I cannot tell you for I do not remember
The particulars of such debauchery on that cold cold December
And then in a twinkling, I looked to my right
To witness someone lifting… or maybe not quite
The woman had a 2 plate that was clearly too much
And she couldn’t bring it back up, she was about to be crushed
Why woman, oh woman, did you not get a spot
As I lifted the weight she said she “just plain forgot”
She thought she could handle just a little bit more
Since she did 50 for reps just two days before
Then the gym went all silent… no one dared make a sound
I looked over my shoulder and slowly turned ‘round
I could not believe my eyes… the truth began to unfold
There was the Russian Weight lifting Jesus, from legend of old
I had only heard of him on the internet through forums and such
A man whose skill was unmatched… squat couldn’t be touched
He would choose you at random with knowledge to impart
That would turn basic weight lifting into a certified art
He chose me at random and worked on my form
He said “Hell hath no fury like a squat incorrectly performed!”
I learned about squats and I learned about oats
And when he demonstrated his 5 plate the weight seemed to float
Finally demonstrating my set I turned towards the mirror
My purpose secure, my vision much clearer
I turned back ‘round to thank him for my body was spent
For as silently he had come, thus silently he went
So was the day I went weighlifting, I hope it helps ya’ll
From the weight lifting Jesus to the gentleman’s balls
So the session is over, and this class is dismissed
I just hope the mods don’t read my poem and thusly get pissed!
Also... BAWLLS!
The AncientMariner aka Saffmeister AKA Team BAWSS
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